they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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