Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
