Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She said her name was "party"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
