You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
