i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
