did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We need to get me chipped asap
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
