The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
