he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
