woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
