There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Floor bacon is actually really good
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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