so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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