dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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