Define "chronic" masturbator.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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