just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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