I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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