What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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