just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
