I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
