Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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