i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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