I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
