i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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