Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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