Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
