i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
