i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
