he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
