A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think I won the penis lottery.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.