What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
