A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
