What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
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Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
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Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness