she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
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I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You pole danced in your parka.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.