First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..