Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job

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  (312): Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job http://tfl.nu/iix6
  Replies (27) Good night (5127) Bad night (704)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.

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  (813): I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this. http://tfl.nu/6tpg
  Replies (32) Good night (763) Bad night (3253)
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  (209): View more from California

  I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life

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  (209): I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life http://tfl.nu/mnvk
  Replies (11) Good night (5315) Bad night (796)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers

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  (847): Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers http://tfl.nu/3d71
  Replies (50) Good night (1113) Bad night (6415)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  The panties match.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  I'll be right there.

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  (847): The panties match. (1-847): I'll be right there. http://tfl.nu/jbhz
  Replies (35) Good night (6052) Bad night (1141)
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  (315): View more from New York

  and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...

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  (315): and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame... http://tfl.nu/05iu
  Replies (8) Good night (2723) Bad night (1143)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.

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  (281): I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas. http://tfl.nu/8z68
  Replies (10) Good night (3062) Bad night (2052)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in

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  (709): its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in http://tfl.nu/vymu
  Replies (10) Good night (3087) Bad night (1168)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great

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  (210): If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great http://tfl.nu/uyht
  Replies (10) Good night (2931) Bad night (1842)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.

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  (304): My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point. http://tfl.nu/bf1e
  Replies (6) Good night (610) Bad night (1242)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.

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  (207): It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast. http://tfl.nu/cal2
  Replies (8) Good night (1045) Bad night (516)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.

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  (903): I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper. http://tfl.nu/88zt
  Replies (7) Good night (1603) Bad night (565)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.

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  (601): I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status. http://tfl.nu/a1hp
  Replies (1) Good night (569) Bad night (297)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg his dad is hot

  (410): View more from Maryland

  ... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.

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  (412): omg his dad is hot (410): ... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives. http://tfl.nu/revq
  Replies (1) Good night (673) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.

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  (785): How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila. http://tfl.nu/btl9
  Replies (2) Good night (233) Bad night (673)

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