I wanna passion pit in your ass
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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