how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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