Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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