May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Everything about him screamed your future.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.