Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty