Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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