atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
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Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
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Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?