btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.