Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
