She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
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Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it