Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus