I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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