i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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