i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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