I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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