in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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