Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
