How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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