i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
