Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
