tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
