if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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