Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
