I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
