You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
