and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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