I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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