Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
