remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
