it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
