fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
