I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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