im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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