I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
