when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
