I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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