My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
