So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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