walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
