thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
