she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
