I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
