yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Watching her eat just hurts me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
