Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
