She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
